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How to Avoid Wedding Day Pitfalls
by Emily VanLaeys
Doesn’t every bride dream of a perfect wedding day? Modern couples are
planning their weddings further and further in advance, giving them more time to
make sure that special day is perfect. Nevertheless, things can always go
wrong. Promise yourselves that you’ll enjoy the day, no matter what happens,
but follow these tips to prevent as many mishaps as you can.
First of all, a great over-all tip: If you do not have a wedding coordinator or other
professional assisting you, enlist a “TFM.” TFM is secret code for “Trusted
Family Member.” This person does not have to be a family member, but
someone you can really count on who is not in the bridal party. It may be an
aunt, a friend, or anyone who is well-organized and willing to take on a few tasks
for the big day. Some of the things your TFM might do are: hand out the
corsages and boutonnières, cue the bridal party to begin the processional, set
up unity candles, sand ceremony vessels, or whatever props you need for your
ceremony, and handle last-minute disasters, such as torn hems.
Worse than a torn hem is a ripped seam! Last summer I arrived at a wedding
venue just as a frantic bride was calling a friend to find her a new dress because
the one she had planned to wear had two torn seams. My guess is that she had
not tried the dress on since she bought it. Maybe she had gained a little weight
since then . . . . Make sure you try on your gown from time to time to make sure it
still fits well. If your weight goes up or down it may have to be altered.
Fortunately this bride was having a small, casual wedding, and wanted a
cocktail length dress, which her friend was able to find at the local prom shop.
Most of the weddings that I perform take place outdoors. The ceremonies have
been conducted in gazebos, on a boat, in front of a beautiful tree, and under a
chuppah. Most of these ceremonies have taken place on glorious, sunny days,
but couples who plan to marry outside must have an alternate plan in case of
inclement weather. Does the wedding venue have an indoor room or a tent that
is large enough to accommodate your wedding party and guests? Is there a
space that can be set aside for the ceremony? Do you want to provide
umbrellas for everyone? In the movie, “Monsoon Wedding,” the guests dance
joyfully in the rain after the Hindu ceremony, but most Americans are not quite
that resilient.
Even couples planning an indoor ceremony may have to think about the weather,
depending on the season of the wedding. Last June I attended a wedding in a
chapel where one of the groomsmen fainted as the bride and groom were
exchanging rings. The chapel was not air-conditioned, it was at least 90
degrees and humid, and the groomsmen were wearing tuxedo jackets and
vests. For summer weddings, consider other options for menswear, such as
seersucker suits and short-sleeved shirts. For the casual boat wedding I
officiated at, the men wore white Hawaiian shirts.
Make sure you understand New York State marriage laws and apply for your
license more than 24 hours before the ceremony. Better to leave a bigger
window of time in case there’s a problem. I worked with one bride who was
getting married for the second time and didn’t realize she had to present her
divorce decree at the city clerk’s office. Her divorce papers were at her home in
Florida. Fortunately, her daughter was able to send them to Oneonta just in
time! The ceremony cannot be performed less than 24 hours after the license is
obtained. Give the license to your officiant at the rehearsal so nobody has to
worry about forgetting it on your wedding day.
Too often, guests can’t wait for the ceremony to be over and the party to begin!
The ceremony should be the focus of the day - it’s the symbolic bridge that takes
you from life as two separate individuals to life as a married couple. It doesn’t
have to be boring! If you’re thinking: “You’ve seen one wedding, you’ve seen
them all,” you haven’t been to a celebrant-led wedding! A celebrant will
personalize your ceremony to make it uniquely yours. Ceremonies can be
interfaith, multi-cultural, or nondenominational. Rituals may be traditional or
entirely innovative. Whoever your officiant is, you have the right to ask that your
ceremony reflect your values, beliefs and taste.
I hope these tips will help prevent potential problems. After you’ve taken every
precaution to avoid pitfalls, you should still expect the unexpected. Life is full of
surprises, and your wedding day may not be exempt from this rule. Try to have a
relaxed attitude so that whatever might go wrong will be easier to deal with. The
unforeseen event may be the part that you still laugh about on your tenth
anniversary!
by Emily VanLaeys
Doesn’t every bride dream of a perfect wedding day? Modern couples are
planning their weddings further and further in advance, giving them more time to
make sure that special day is perfect. Nevertheless, things can always go
wrong. Promise yourselves that you’ll enjoy the day, no matter what happens,
but follow these tips to prevent as many mishaps as you can.
First of all, a great over-all tip: If you do not have a wedding coordinator or other
professional assisting you, enlist a “TFM.” TFM is secret code for “Trusted
Family Member.” This person does not have to be a family member, but
someone you can really count on who is not in the bridal party. It may be an
aunt, a friend, or anyone who is well-organized and willing to take on a few tasks
for the big day. Some of the things your TFM might do are: hand out the
corsages and boutonnières, cue the bridal party to begin the processional, set
up unity candles, sand ceremony vessels, or whatever props you need for your
ceremony, and handle last-minute disasters, such as torn hems.
Worse than a torn hem is a ripped seam! Last summer I arrived at a wedding
venue just as a frantic bride was calling a friend to find her a new dress because
the one she had planned to wear had two torn seams. My guess is that she had
not tried the dress on since she bought it. Maybe she had gained a little weight
since then . . . . Make sure you try on your gown from time to time to make sure it
still fits well. If your weight goes up or down it may have to be altered.
Fortunately this bride was having a small, casual wedding, and wanted a
cocktail length dress, which her friend was able to find at the local prom shop.
Most of the weddings that I perform take place outdoors. The ceremonies have
been conducted in gazebos, on a boat, in front of a beautiful tree, and under a
chuppah. Most of these ceremonies have taken place on glorious, sunny days,
but couples who plan to marry outside must have an alternate plan in case of
inclement weather. Does the wedding venue have an indoor room or a tent that
is large enough to accommodate your wedding party and guests? Is there a
space that can be set aside for the ceremony? Do you want to provide
umbrellas for everyone? In the movie, “Monsoon Wedding,” the guests dance
joyfully in the rain after the Hindu ceremony, but most Americans are not quite
that resilient.
Even couples planning an indoor ceremony may have to think about the weather,
depending on the season of the wedding. Last June I attended a wedding in a
chapel where one of the groomsmen fainted as the bride and groom were
exchanging rings. The chapel was not air-conditioned, it was at least 90
degrees and humid, and the groomsmen were wearing tuxedo jackets and
vests. For summer weddings, consider other options for menswear, such as
seersucker suits and short-sleeved shirts. For the casual boat wedding I
officiated at, the men wore white Hawaiian shirts.
Make sure you understand New York State marriage laws and apply for your
license more than 24 hours before the ceremony. Better to leave a bigger
window of time in case there’s a problem. I worked with one bride who was
getting married for the second time and didn’t realize she had to present her
divorce decree at the city clerk’s office. Her divorce papers were at her home in
Florida. Fortunately, her daughter was able to send them to Oneonta just in
time! The ceremony cannot be performed less than 24 hours after the license is
obtained. Give the license to your officiant at the rehearsal so nobody has to
worry about forgetting it on your wedding day.
Too often, guests can’t wait for the ceremony to be over and the party to begin!
The ceremony should be the focus of the day - it’s the symbolic bridge that takes
you from life as two separate individuals to life as a married couple. It doesn’t
have to be boring! If you’re thinking: “You’ve seen one wedding, you’ve seen
them all,” you haven’t been to a celebrant-led wedding! A celebrant will
personalize your ceremony to make it uniquely yours. Ceremonies can be
interfaith, multi-cultural, or nondenominational. Rituals may be traditional or
entirely innovative. Whoever your officiant is, you have the right to ask that your
ceremony reflect your values, beliefs and taste.
I hope these tips will help prevent potential problems. After you’ve taken every
precaution to avoid pitfalls, you should still expect the unexpected. Life is full of
surprises, and your wedding day may not be exempt from this rule. Try to have a
relaxed attitude so that whatever might go wrong will be easier to deal with. The
unforeseen event may be the part that you still laugh about on your tenth
anniversary!
| Bruce & Amy's Sand Ceremony |